ONCE IN THIS LIFETIME

..will I ever get the chance to be this fabulous and rocking it alongside two professional fighters, Eddie 'The Magician' Ng and Mitch 'The Dragon' Chilson! Major gratitude!

Something in the mind

I want a guy who wants to massage my feet. I want a guy who lets me give him a facial....

THAT'S IT! Why the fuck is it so hard? -__________________________-

"Physical Attraction is momentary yet underrated.. SHIT.. Lol!"- ME

8 lasses and 2 lads

Been a long time since I party with my female friends, ie with no sleazy intentions..

Been a while..

Thats night is THE night; when it was all about hanging out with gal pals, no guys or gals to flirt with. It was an ultimate gals night out and it was a blast! Gorgeous Natalia came back from HK and Lung Cindy Nang are all around! :) We were just missing Mimi and Dolly.. Caught up with Mel for a short while at Clinic before we left for Butter for the party xoxo

Introducing "MONJI"

Of course, it is not introducing me. The last thing I need is fame and popularity, I'd rather be regarded as the decent and humbler :))))

SO, Monji is a cocktail Mattoo and I invented. When I say invented, it is me doing the mixing and Mattoooo does the choosing of ingredients of course!

1. Mix the following:

2 shots of Whiskey

half a shot of Amaretto

1 shot of Honey liquor

1 fresh lemon squeezed

2. Fill the shaker with eyes, stir and taste.

3. If it tastes ok, mix in apple and cranberry juice to the brim and SHAKE!

Voila! Please serve "Monji" chilled! <3

MONKICHI DILEMMA

Fuck this shit.. Fooling around is my forte.. But to get caught up in one is something new. I swore before if I found someone I really like, Id settle down and be good. But this is a whole new level. I am SMITTENed and all I can think about is him. We did not kiss, we did not hold hands, we held FINGERS (before his sis told him; DONT HOLD HER HAND!).

Rundown of story:

Hsquare picked me up at home to go for predrink at his. I rushed, face made up but hair not done, wearing not the pair of shoes I wanted. Anyhow, we arrived. He was still in his homeshirt and berms, cute and all grinning like the Monkichi he is. Settled ourselves at the sofa at his living room playing rock band. Hey Im a pretty good singer/drummer:)

An hour plus into the game, he finally showered. I then found out that his lil 18 year old brother can only leave when their parents are asleep. Waited a further 15minutes and then I realised it was close to 1am and Mimi, Daven, Nang and Vicky were waiting. So, I told them (including the sister) that I had to leave and meet them. I called 2 cabs,one for Haru as she had to go home (not feeling well) and one more for whoever. Initial plan was for Haru and I to share cab but then we could not go into Velvet without his guestlist. Therefore, he got changed and left with us. Haru took one cab, Zany, Carol, him and myself shared the other cab. I suspected that the sister was unhappy from this point on; taking her brother with me and making her go with the little brother).

We arrived at the Velvet. Vicky had to go Attica for a friend's bday by then and the other three were there. At first, I thought he could only sign in 2 people so I gave the guestlist to Nang and Daven knowing I can sign myself and Mimi in. But, he said he could sign all in. The four of them then went to the Velvet bar first before I headed off with him to meet old gayboy who likes having these athletes arnd him lol. Met with him (and his crew) for a short 5 minutes and we left for Velvet.

I saw the bunch at the bar at the corner of my eye but I had to know where his table was first. Once we settled, I was introduced round the table. I hope/know that he felt good "showing me off". I mean hey, not being THAT big headed but I was probably the most gorgeous out of the table. Shared a few drinks with birthday boy Nichi and I knew he was gone almost instantly!

So, we settled further in at his sofa. A fat dude started hitting on me, introducing himself and shit. And, it didnt help that his sister arrived a few moments before that. I rejected him politely (duh, given him on my another side is smokin) and Monkch whispered; that guy is totally hitting on you. I just laughed it off and motioned to leave the table to find Nang and crew. Being a gentleman, he lead the way. He did not hold my hand but rather hold my FINGER. As we passed big sis, she said the spicy words; DO NOT HOLD HER HAND! and to actually hear it loud and clear, I just gave myself a huge grin. She is overprotective, snobbish and insulting, and has brother complex and low self-esteemed.

But, we left for the Velvet bar nonetheless and we did "Kiss of Death" together. I told him I owed him a shot but he would not make me pay for his. So, we went Dutch and when the drinks came *snap* I took a picture. I am still smiling as I am looking at the picture :) After that shot, we sat at Cindy's table and well, brief introduction was made. A dude friend of his came to the table (most prob Zany) and said hi to the girls. He said that Mimi was pretty hot and Monkch had to say that she is too old for him, wtf! I am not young myself -____-

anws, his sister came not long after. Being a polite and well mannered young lady, I went over w him to say hi to her. She then waved her hand at me saying: I dont like you. I was surprised and a bit taken aback so I ignored that comment and he looked at me and whispered; Sorry, my sis hates everybody! Went back to sit with the ladies right after.

As soon as sis left, he sat with me. He was gone.. Head leaning back and texting at his friends frantically asking if theyre alright. We left for Attica looking for Ben (who was obviously drunk). Attica would not allow them in anymore, so we went to Zirca. Was there for barely 15minutes and the club was closed. Daven and Sharon then sent me home before kidnapping Mimi for round 4!

Why am I in a dilemma? Why am I insecure? Why am I afraid to fall more deeply than I already am?

Coz I know he is decent. At least seems decent. He did not touch me or try and be funny with me. He listened to his sis. He looked after his friends. Even though both of us kept disappearing time and time again to look for our friends, he will eventually come looking for me.

It would have been easier if he were just another one of my toys. But this is not the case, I do not want to make him my toy. I do want to make this a relationship that is worthwhile. But, is he up for the chase? Is he even interested in that way? More than just friends? THAT I'm totally clueless. As Haru adviced, he is nice and decent but I will have to "wrap him around my fingers", probably like how Q has Gwen wrapped around her fingers. Fuck me!

K I S S M E

Because, I suddenly realise that the way of getting over you
isn't by hooking up with some random guy
or pretending that we didn't happen.

You and I, we loved each other.
And then, you broke my heart.
Been trying to do everything possible not to face that fact...

I'm gonna kiss somebody some day.
And when I do, it will be for me.

Nostalgia ~♥

I know of you but I don't know you.

A phrase I have used way too many times.....

Think for a second,
how you know of someone
and at one point,
actually get to know that someone.

You will realise that;
it brings back all the fond memories,
that can be so nostalgic that you can't help,
but smile and let your mind wonder.

So, call that someone,
message that someone,
and you shall both reminisce..
just that once more.

Angels, Demons, no, HUMAN!

I am neither an angel nor a demon.

I am a perfect example of a human.

I make mistakes with or without the intentions of hurting another person.

Yet I bring joy n laughter, n offer hugs n kisses to show my affection.

Well, in fact, we are all human in my eyes.

For I have yet met anyone that stands on either side.

DECISIONS

If I've chosen to be with you, it doesn't matter how many temptations there are, coz you are the best for me and I know it coz I chose you.

THE QUESTIONS; Why?

Why did I choose to break your heart?

Coz I know that I will not be able to reciprocate and it isn't fair for you or for anyone if the relationship were to start off that way. Especially since I'm all about being fair and square. Fortunately, I usually make the right choices. Moniq is an amazing friend. Ko Sunarto is a godbrother and Budi is a dear friend.

Why did I choose to be with her?

Her? Yes, her. Coz I know then, despite the many suiters I had, she was the best. I felt the most chemistry with her. She was the most intelligent, most challenging, most intriguing. Even though I know my family will never accept her. Even though I know this relationship is a taboo. I was willing and more than ever ready to give it a shot. To actually let love do its magic. Did I make the right choice? Maybe. Did I regret making this choice? No, I did not. coz it was honestly good while it lasted:)

The Deepest of Me

The light has shone on me.
Ive been taken as a fool the whole time
and I have finally understood.
All the questions has been answered.
Weights have been lifted off my chest, my shoulders.
Heart thumping hard..
I can finally breathe and more than ever,
ready to move on.

Just when I thought you could be different,
*smile* I was wrong.
And wronged.
It is sad.
I actually feel sorry for you
for your chance to be different aint gonna happen,
not for now at least.
Please reflect on self.
Reflect on all you've done.
coz it is for your own good.

Having self confidence, high self-esteem,
an attractive personality, a lovely grin,
do nothing for you.
If you have no use for it,
but to fool around.
Yes, it's fun,
it is thrilling *smile*
But that's it.
You've lost the chance(s) to truly let someone care for you.
And, I hope you are glad,
that you have made your choice.
for second chances seldom appear.

But fret not,
my dear friend,
I have faith that God will give you yet another chance,
to love and be loved,
for everyone deserves as many chances as they wish.
It is life after all.
and everyday is a learning journey.

You fall, you break down,
but you shall get up, stand up,
to fight for yourself
and for those that matter to you.
It is only a matter if, no, when you'd let anyone in
to help you,
be there for you,
when you fall the next time,
break down the next time.

Yet, despite all this,
knowing the person you have devoted to
is lying to your face,
cheating on you, several times
and still 'not blink an eye'.
2 thumbs up.
You blew it.
All my well wishes and love have vanished that very instance.
You don't deserve any of it.
You have abused the trust and every little hope I have left.
You have hurt me to almost beyond repair.

Dare to say to trust you.
To believe in you.
Dear friend,
Trust is earned and nurtured.
Like how action speaks louder than words.
So save all your words and sweet talks,
and show some gestures for the next person you love.
Not just enough to keep her there.
But more to show you sincerely care.

For there are 2 kinds of people in this world,
Kids and Adults.
Kids pout, cry, to get what they want.
They're not afraid to show their emotions and expressions,
to get what they want.
And do they get them? Hell YEA!
Then, there are Adults.
Adults think, scheme to get what they want.
They will think of a million ways to achieve what they want.
They dont show their emotions,
but they play with words.
Do they always get what they want? Hmm, 50-50.
So,
is it wrong if I choose to be a kid?
To let you know of my feelings?
To pout when I think Im not given enough attention?
To cry when I was upset?
Nope, I think it is just the way I get the things that I want *grin*

I hope to have nothing more to say.
coz it is a waste of my energy,
and a chore to my brain cells.
But, I know this note is going to be worth all that,
With all this out of my system,
Im ready now to stand up,
fight for myself and my loved ones.

Little Miss Smile

Smiling..is what I have been doing for the past hour.
Smiling as I thought of the fond memories while uploading the few photos we had taken together.
Smiling coz it is neither a laugh nor a cry.
Smiling coz a smile is worth a million emotions.
Smiling to remind myself that I will be fine.
Smiling to reassure myself of my mixed emotions.
Smiling to show a lil hint of joy that we are better off this way.

But most importantly,
Smiling to rid off the sobs that are still escaping from my lips.
Smiling coz only by smiling does it make the tears come out harder.

So, I will smile and pray that tomorrow will be a better day.

Stupidity is defined by the lack of meaning or sense, such as being in a state of pointlessness or stupor.

Stupid is what Ive been feeling lately. Stupid that I let people boss me around at work. Stupid that I let myself get into a shitty rship. Stupid I wasted a year,not doing anything. Stupid that I let my friends down and the list goes on.......

Recently, as recent as 3 hours ago. I happened to speak to Nezu.. asking her if she was busy.. this is how the conversation went:

Me: R u bz..?
N: Aku bentar lg meeting sih yang
N: In 15 minutes
N: I got a job agency di jkt
N: Good pay and everything
N: So we gonna talk abt my job today
Me: Wowww
Me: As a..?
Me: D jkt?
N Senior art director
N: Iya
Me: Wowww
Me: Niceee
Me: Di jkt :(
Me: Okok good luck!!
N: Iya
N: Habis di sg gak panggil2
Me: Ya uda.. Good luck! Break a leg!!
Me: :p
N: Uda accepted
N: Lg ngomong soal kontrak
N: Lol
Me: Oh ya!
Me: Sigh
N: Iya
Me: Were u nt gonna tell me?
N: Soalnya blom tau
N: Mau mulai kapan
Me: Owh
Me: Well,I'm glad u got the job!
N: Gitu
Me: Itz doing smth u like:)
N: Kalo bisa
N: Minggu depan
N: Kalo minggu depan mulai
N: Minggu ini aku mau ke sg
N: Gitu
Me: Owhhh okok
Me: Ya uda
Me: Siap2 meeting dlo d:)
N: Ok

Im honestly happy that she gets to do what she always wanted to do. BUT, i would appreciate it if she had actually given me a warning.. wait, warning is not the word.. given me a heads up~coz all this while, I thought she's got no callbacks. Up until now, 4 hours later, I still have no news on the contract signing and it's making me pissy, nervous and anxious. Sigh..

Yoddecha Sityodtong: “When you love something, it creates an intense passion to excel in it. Find something that you absolutely love and follow it. Ignore your fears and doubts. Just love what you do and you will see magic appear in your life.”

About me:
One of e most rational, honest, logical, frank n straightforward person ull ever meet in ur lifetime.

My pros n cons list
In everything I do,be it everyday chores or relationships, this list exists, most of e time. It doesn't mean I access everything based on its resume/merits as one puts it. But more on the advantages n disadvantages it gives me when I'm in the situation. It has made me a stronger, safer and protected person all at the same time. One may think itz queer and cold,bt this characteristic of mine brings me to where I am today, shielding and protecting me from making the gravest mistakes.

An example is when I broke up with my ex; the con list was more overwhelming than the pro list. And,I did not regret being the bigger person,standing up to the unjust that was taking place. I was hurt but I had the satisfaction of having a definite answer and making the right decision.

To my Dear Nezu:
I spoke w her last night abt my ex. Maybe it wasn't the right time. Maybe she is a sharer,but not much of a listener. I dunno why I told her, knowing she is sensitive and all..Mayb itz coz.. in her,I hope to find a best fren, a life partner n a lover..n I want her to knw that part of my life. I want her to know me.. not just the me that she likes because I offered my help and assistance so that she can get out of the deep dark hole which she plunged into when she broke up with Jess. No! I want her to know and love the queer me, who does the pros and cons list in my head in everything that I do, the kiddish me, who whines and pouts when I'm not given my candy, the jealous me who gets nervous whenever she said she's going to meet girls.

But, I might be expecting too much in this rship.. Maybe she is not ready to accept me regardless of my past. Maybe she doesnt want to rush into things with me coz she knows that long distance sucks and she doesnt want to feel the pain (again) knowing she cant be with me. Sigh~It just bothers me at times because of the many buts and ifs and maybes.

One thing I know for sure though: I have never doubted being with her since we met that very Xmas eve night. I had butterflies in my stomach. I felt fidgety during the whole Avatar movie. I wanted to hold her hand during the movie. It didnt feel awkward kissing her. In fact, it was the first time ever that I want to keep making out.

So, dear Nezu. Im sorry if you did not sign up for this. I am prepared for the worst. I am a strong person. Ive been built strong and hardy. I dont cry easy. I dont beg. But, I do know that I want to be with you.

<3

The World's Most Valuable Models

1. Gisele Bundchen
2. Kate Moss
3. Adriana Lima
4. Doutzen Kroes
5. Daria Werbowy
6. Alessandra Ambrosio
7. Christy Turlington
8. Natalia Vodianova
9. Miranda Kerr
10. Carolyn Murphy

They are judged based on multi-year contracts, advertising campaigns, runway appearances and magazine covers. Annual income from contracts, primarily negotiated by large cosmetic companies and Victoria's Secret, were weighted 40% because they are the most difficult to get, bear the largest salaries and indicate a very high level of success.

My take on this?
Absolutely true, Gisele is gorgeous,so she deserves to be at the top. And my other fav model, Alessandra is in too~ so cheers to that~!

AVATAR

Same producer as Titanic, James Cameron, what more can I say~ It has taken more than 15 years in the making and made with a price tag fast approaching US$500 million...The film will incorporate new intuitive CGI technologies to transform the environments and characters into photorealistic 3D imagery, transporting the audience into a visually spectacular alien world..

Am I excited? HELL YEA!!

credits: MSN.com

GLAMOUR Women of 2009 (The Ugly and Beautiful)
at Carnegie Hall, NYC on 091109

Beauty 1: Katharine McPhee
Beauty 2: Rihanna

Beast 1: Eva Mendes
Beast 2: Serena Williams
Beast 3: Tyra

GIRL AND GUY~

When a GIRL is quiet... millions of things are running through her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing... she is deep in her thoughts.

When a GIRL stares at you.. she is wondering why you are lying..

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday.. she wants to be pampered..

When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions.. she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL lays on your chest.. she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL answers, "I'm fine" after a few seconds.... she is not at all FINE...

When a GIRL says, " I Love You", she honestly means it...

When a GIRL says, " I miss you"... no one in this world can miss you more than that..


Life only comes around once, make sure you spend it with the right person.


Find a guy.. who calls you beautiful... not Hot..

who calls you back.. when you hang up on him...

who will stay awake..just to watch you sleep.

who kisses not just your lips... but also your forehead..

who wants to show you off to the world.. when you are in your sweats...

who holds your hand in front of his friends...

who is constantly reminding you how much he cares about you..
and how lucky he is to have you.

who turns to his friends and says, " That's Her!!"

Final Words

With this, I have let you go.


You must be glad, for finally, there is no strings attached.
You must be glad you need not feel responsible for anyone anymore.
You must be glad you dont have to care for anyone anymore.
You must be glad tt you can fool arnd again, fling after fling after fling.
You must be glad you can, finally, flirt arnd without being guilty.
You must be glad tt finally u won.
You must be glad tt you can brag that you got me in a wk n ure the 1 who broke it off.
You must be glad tt you got ur ego back.
You must be glad you need not come bk to horrible sg ever again.
You must be glad tt all those materialistic LA bitches can finally throw themselves at u.
You must be glad tt you finally got rid of me,no more BBMs late in e night or early in e morning.
You must be awfully glad that finally, ure all alone again.

I an terribly sorry for the thing I said abt your mum for she sounded like a lovely person.
I am sorry for feeling disappointed at you.
I am sorry coz you chose to ignore me and disappear as opposed to man up n say tt ure sick of me.
I am sorry for the multiple arguments we had to go through.
I am sorry for sacrificing many of my friendships for you.
I am sorry for letting you ruin both my 21st n 22nd birthday.
I am sorry tt I seem to be the only one affected.
I am sorry tt I am the only one who care.
I am sorry I cannot get you to talk to me and tell me your problems.
I am sorry I had you go through meeting my parents w cold sweats.
I am sorry you have to take time frm ur 'busy' schedule (including vegas) to entertain me.
I am sorry I actually feel stupid for letting you control me.
I am sorry that you are not mature enough for me.
I am sorry I made u waste effort n money to come to sg after only 1 wk in LA.
I am sorry for not letting you blame everything on me.
I am sorry I didnt achieve making you a better person when being w me.
I am sorry we only lasted 4 mnths doing long distance.
I am sorry that I am so hurt.
I am sorry I cant ever let u in ever again
I am sorry I fell hard for you and it ended up biting me in the back.
I am just sorry for wasting ur 1 year n 4 mnths w me.

After much evaluation, my feeling sorry exceeds your feeling glad. Good luck in life and I hope you can b more responsible for your actions and grow up to be a fine man, one whom everyone will like and love. I will miss you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Usually I am very excited about birthdays~~~ esp if itz NOT mine! why? i like giving surprises but dislike getting surprised myself~ well, today begins really sweet.. Many BBMS and SMSes came in wishing happy birthday=) most of which i didnt bother to read till I wake up..not because Im a stuck up but because I knocked out at 11pm!

I was planning not to skip work,but when I woke up at 7, I was like, ARGH FUCK IT~ haha~so dentist and singtel mobile subscription for mum happened~

At abt 3ish, I received a ring on my mobile and it was from Haagen Dazs!! saying that nobody picked up when he/she rang the block bell~~IT WAS A SURPRISE BDAY CAKE! I was shocked! Kchew wouldnt do that, hes not that romantic! plus, he only BBM me in the morning: "Hey, happy birthday!" 3 freaking words? How can anyone not get pissed!! So, i replied with a "Thanks!"

Setting that aside, I was still thinking, who might the cake be from?!?!?! and the sender wouldnt reveal the name till i msg him/her to please gimme the name so that I can thank the person.. he/she gave me the intial MQ~so, i thought MONIQ! dude! that was sooooo sweet! told dad to receive it on my behalf and contacted Moniq immediately! speaking of Moniq, I might be a little thickskinned but I think she might be interested in me~

Since I felt bad, decided to meet up with my friends (not just those coming for Dad's bakar2) but others!! meeting them at Cafe Iguana's Bukit Timah branch~bless Rony for the discount! THANK U RON! haha~ will upload photos ltr =)

LATERRRR~ and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME AGAIN! x

Lee HyoRi- U Go Girl

Can anyone be more adorable or gorgeous than Hyolee? I doubt it! =)