aLoHa To Y'aLL: March 2010

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

DECISIONS

If I've chosen to be with you, it doesn't matter how many temptations there are, coz you are the best for me and I know it coz I chose you.

THE QUESTIONS; Why?

Why did I choose to break your heart?
Coz I know that I will not be able to reciprocate and it isn't fair for you or for anyone if the relationship were to start off that way. Especially since I'm all about being fair and square. Fortunately, I usually make the right choices. Moniq is an amazing friend. Ko Sunarto is a godbrother and Budi is a dear friend.

Why did I choose to be with her?
Her? Yes, her. Coz I know then, despite the many suiters I had, she was the best. I felt the most chemistry with her. She was the most intelligent, most challenging, most intriguing. Even though I know my family will never accept her. Even though I know this relationship is a taboo. I was willing and more than ever ready to give it a shot. To actually let love do its magic. Did I make the right choice? Maybe. Did I regret making this choice? No, I did not. coz it was honestly good while it lasted:)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Deepest of Me

The light has shone on me.
Ive been taken as a fool the whole time
and I have finally understood.
All the questions has been answered.
Weights have been lifted off my chest, my shoulders.
Heart thumping hard..
I can finally breathe and more than ever,
ready to move on.

Just when I thought you could be different,
*smile* I was wrong.
And wronged.
It is sad.
I actually feel sorry for you
for your chance to be different aint gonna happen,
not for now at least.
Please reflect on self.
Reflect on all you've done.
coz it is for your own good.

Having self confidence, high self-esteem,
an attractive personality, a lovely grin,
do nothing for you.
If you have no use for it,
but to fool around.
Yes, it's fun,
it is thrilling *smile*
But that's it.
You've lost the chance(s) to truly let someone care for you.
And, I hope you are glad,
that you have made your choice.
for second chances seldom appear.

But fret not,
my dear friend,
I have faith that God will give you yet another chance,
to love and be loved,
for everyone deserves as many chances as they wish.
It is life after all.
and everyday is a learning journey.

You fall, you break down,
but you shall get up, stand up,
to fight for yourself
and for those that matter to you.
It is only a matter if, no, when you'd let anyone in
to help you,
be there for you,
when you fall the next time,
break down the next time.

Yet, despite all this,
knowing the person you have devoted to
is lying to your face,
cheating on you, several times
and still 'not blink an eye'.
2 thumbs up.
You blew it.
All my well wishes and love have vanished that very instance.
You don't deserve any of it.
You have abused the trust and every little hope I have left.
You have hurt me to almost beyond repair.

Dare to say to trust you.
To believe in you.
Dear friend,
Trust is earned and nurtured.
Like how action speaks louder than words.
So save all your words and sweet talks,
and show some gestures for the next person you love.
Not just enough to keep her there.
But more to show you sincerely care.

For there are 2 kinds of people in this world,
Kids and Adults.
Kids pout, cry, to get what they want.
They're not afraid to show their emotions and expressions,
to get what they want.
And do they get them? Hell YEA!
Then, there are Adults.
Adults think, scheme to get what they want.
They will think of a million ways to achieve what they want.
They dont show their emotions,
but they play with words.
Do they always get what they want? Hmm, 50-50.
So,
is it wrong if I choose to be a kid?
To let you know of my feelings?
To pout when I think Im not given enough attention?
To cry when I was upset?
Nope, I think it is just the way I get the things that I want *grin*

I hope to have nothing more to say.
coz it is a waste of my energy,
and a chore to my brain cells.
But, I know this note is going to be worth all that,
With all this out of my system,
Im ready now to stand up,
fight for myself and my loved ones.

Little Miss Smile

Smiling..is what I have been doing for the past hour.
Smiling as I thought of the fond memories while uploading the few photos we had taken together.
Smiling coz it is neither a laugh nor a cry.
Smiling coz a smile is worth a million emotions.
Smiling to remind myself that I will be fine.
Smiling to reassure myself of my mixed emotions.
Smiling to show a lil hint of joy that we are better off this way.

But most importantly,
Smiling to rid off the sobs that are still escaping from my lips.
Smiling coz only by smiling does it make the tears come out harder.

So, I will smile and pray that tomorrow will be a better day.